Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

5 Awesome Ways to Rediscover Your Relationship - Love and Relationship

Do you Know That These 5 Ways Can Rediscover Your Relationship

Have you ever noticed that when you are in a relationship for a while, you can forget how to create that 'spark'? Or do you think you are doing all the right things to light the fire of the other person, but they seem to miss your delivery?

Rediscover Your Relationship - Love and Relationship
5 Awesome Ways to Rediscover Your Relationship - Love and Relationship
You feel like you are shooting loose bags. And if you do not get the answer you're looking for, it can lead to frustration, blame, break the connection, and throw your hands in the air while you say, Well, nothing works, and they clearly do not appreciate me at that time, I just stop trying!

Ack! I do not know how you feel about it, but when I experience a withdrawal from my partner, I become pretty skinny and the thought that goes through my mind is: Do you think that is withdrawing? I will show you which withdrawal IS "And that approach always gives us more of what we want, right?

No, it does not.

Whether you are in a relationship for five days, five weeks, five years or fifty years, everyone experiences part of this challenge. After interviewing countless couples over the past decade, one of the greatest common denominators in the way they stayed together is taking time to rediscover themselves and their important other.

Based on their wisdom and feedback, I have put together their answers so that I can share them with you. Here are five ways to rediscover your relationship:

1. Spend quality time.

Quality time does not mean that you have an encounter with a group of friends or that you have a bunch of people to eat. It means you switch off the television and remove distractions to talk to and listen to your loved one. (A couple said if you really want to know how resilient your relationship is, make a road trip of at least ten hours together!)

2. Learn something new together.

Time together ensures a certain level of comfort. Although we certainly feel comfortable, it can also lead to self-satisfaction. We get so caught up in the way we are used to doing things and what makes us most comfortable that we stop investing in ourselves and our relationship. Take a cooking class. Go to a wine tasting. Learn a Romance language and practice saying that You are the most amazing man / woman I have ever know", in Spanish, Italian or French.

3. Keep your sense of humor.

Yes, when it comes to emotionally charged situations. Loving humor does not only mean that you make a situation lighter. Some differences of opinion are appropriate and emotions are part of life. The secret to a long life in your relationship is that through these challenging situations you can move with light-heartedness. Do not hold on to resentment and let those skeletons in the closet take over - you can laugh at yourself and let things go faster.

4. Talk to each other.

Too often we can be afraid to talk to each other. Afraid to hurt other people's feelings, afraid to tell the truth, afraid to hear the truth. We talk to people about everyone else than talking to each other about what really matters. Tell each other what you really feel. What you experience. That is the authentic 'you'. (The fear of communicating will always be worse than the conversation itself, and you will discover new energy in your relationship after talking.)

5. Keep the romance alive.

There is no end to romance. It is a continual creative expression that tells someone you care about him. That they are valued, important and desirable. As a relationship ages, the romance can also evolve. Never assume that, just because something worked once, it will have the same effect every time. Be creative. Try new things. Although you may feel that a thing is romantic, your significant other person can interpret the romance very differently. When you are "romantic", always start by defining the other person first.

What amazed me most about the couples I interviewed was that many of them said they rediscovered their relationship when they rediscovered themselves. Some had the opportunity to rediscover themselves after their children went to university, a personal crisis or decided it was time for personal growth.

Whichever way you choose to learn, our relationships are always a reflection of ourselves in one way or another. So have fun ... and rediscover the joy of being and being together!


5 Awesome Ways to Rediscover Your Relationship - Love and Relationship

How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship

How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship  - Love & Relationship

Relationships usually start well. People treat each other with love and respect. Then something happens and we get upset.

How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship
How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship
If you are angry with someone, you can not be with the person. There is a million miles between you and the person you are upset with.

It does not take long before you get angry again and make more distance. Then you become upset again and you create even more distance. As time passes, the distance grows and love is buried, distance by distance.

Ultimately there is so much distance in your relationship that you feel uncomfortable. It seems that you just do not love the person anymore, but the love that was present at the height of your relationship is still there. it is simply buried throughout the whole distance.

As this distance increases, you become defensive, critical and quickly angry. Disruptions become more frequent and serious. You create more and more distance. Soon the relationship that began as a dream turns into a nightmare.

This is the course of most relationships. They start great and then go downhill. Then we get a new relationship and start the process again.

If you want to be effective in your relationships, you need to learn how to remove the distance. This is the key to maintaining love.

The most effective way to remove distance is to communicate your inconveniences. Say what you are angry about. Get it off your chest.

The moment you communicate your upset, the anger loses power. The distance disappears and the experience of love returns.

Look at the times in your life when you were angry and it communicated. Notice what happened to the upset after you got it off your chest. It disappeared. Now pay attention to what happened to the distance. It has also disappeared.

Communication is the key to removing distance.

Unfortunately, we have been taught to communicate in a way that, instead of removing distance, creates more of it.

Instead of communicating for the purpose of restoring love, we communicate with the aim of accusing, attacking, being right or changing someone.

The moment you do this, you put the other person in the defense. That person becomes upset and has to fight to protect himself against you. Then you become even more upset. Without knowing it, you are fueling the conflict and creating more distance.

You quickly learn that it is not safe to communicate your inconveniences. it is better to just keep them inside.

Well, the problem is not in communicating your pessimism, it's in how you do it.

If you really want to remove distance in your relationship, you must communicate in a way that does not lead to more confusion.

You do this by ensuring that your communication does not threaten the other person. Do not give the other person anything to resist. Make it safe for the person to hear what you have to say. Do not put him or her in the defense.

Communicate with the aim to distance yourself and restore love. Do not communicate with the aim of accusing, attacking, being right or changing someone.

Take full 100% responsibility for what happened and be angry about it. do not blame the other person unless you want to fight.

The best way to communicate a disorder is to find the pain you feel upset and communicate.

Instead of saying What is wrong with you? Why did you do that to me? put the focus on your pain. Say, you did what you did and I feel sad. I feel invalid and I feel that you do not love me anymore

Focus on yourself and not what the other did.

By the way, it's your anger. If you blame the other person for your upset, you can keep him. If you take full responsibility for your upset, you can let go.

The question for you is this: what are you really committed to? Are you committed to distance yourself, to restore love and to make your relationship work, or are you committed to blaming, attacking, being right and changing the person?

The choice is yours. You can have resistance or love. You can not have both.

If your commitment is to remove the distance and make your relationship work, you can do a lot.

You can start finding the distance and removing it.

Distance is created by keeping something behind. Usually it is a bottom-line communication. I'm angry that you did not keep your promise, or I'm sad that you do not love me anymore.

Once the communication is made, the withholding tax stops. The upset is released and the distance disappears.

To discover what you remember, imagine the other person standing in front of you. Then look what is between you and that person. What are you angry about? What is the distance?

Find what you have to say and then say it. Start from the beginning of your relationship and get everything said.

However, before you begin, make sure that you create an environment that is safe for communication. Make sure that you let go of all resistance you have to the other person.

Then tell the person that there are some things you want to say to remove the distance. Ask him or her to just listen. Then say what you have to say.

If the person begins to resist you, stop and notice how you communicate. You blame or try to change the person. Do not do that.

If the only way to communicate an upset is to blame, first warn the person so that he or she will not take it personally.

Once you have said everything you want to say, let the other person react. Let the person say everything he or she is upset about. Pull out the disturbances.

The more the other person can get rid of his or her problems, the more that person can express his or her love for you.

The key to removing distance is to get everything said. Open your heart. Just make sure that the other person feels loved, accepted and appreciated during the process.

This article is from the book, How To Heal A Painful Relationship.


How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship

Monday, December 31, 2018

Love, Sex, Relationships and Early Addiction Recovery

Love, Sex, Relationships | As many people in recovery have probably heard (and are often ignored or discussed), it is detrimental to an early recovery to get involved in romantic relationships. This article discusses part of the reasoning behind the often suggested suggestion 'no relations for the first year'.

Love, Sex, Relationships
Love, Sex, Relationships and Early Addiction Recovery
It is best ever to start with a definition of a romantic relationship. Romantic in the sense that it is used here refers to experiencing feelings of attraction, love, closeness or what the individual regards as love. Relationship in the sense in which we use it refers to constant or regular contact between an individual or individuals who experience these feelings. This article describes some of the reasons that romantic relationships are detrimental to early recovery and some pitfalls that await those who try them. We will start by describing love.


Love is a difficult concept to define. It is usually called an emotion and is also described as a behavior. Both are correct. If you experience the emotion-love, it goes without saying that you would behave accordingly. Almost everyone agrees that there are different kinds of love, as expressed by different people. There is love for a child, parent, brother or sister, friend and lover. We will only be concerned with love between partners. According to social psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are four important types of love in relation to partners. The three components of this type of love can be seen in terms of the points of a triangle to better illustrate.

The three components of love are Intimacy, which can be described as getting to know the person and enjoying what you know, Passion, what is described as being in love and a strong desire to be close, and Commitment, for which I believe that most readers have the definition. Combining the points of the triangle results in the types of love.

Intimacy combined with passion results in romantic love. This is what most partners experience at the beginning of a relationship, and it is usually energetic and exciting.

Intimacy combined with Commitment results in Companionate Love. This is what many relationships become over time. The partners are comfortable with each other, have an extensive history together, know each other well and are committed to the relationship. There is probably a lack of passion.

Having all three passions or being in love combined with commitment results in Fatuous Love. This is the result of being absorbed in passion and sticking to a long-term commitment without really knowing the person.

Perfect love is when all three components, intimacy, passion and dedication are combined. Of course it is unrealistic to expect that the overwhelming passion that is present at the beginning of many relationships will last forever. This kind of passion lasts different lengths, depending on the individual. Most perfect relationships have passion that comes and goes and varies in intensity.

Unfortunately, many people confuse love or passion with each other. After a period of time together, and while the passion cools naturally, they notice that they fall out of love. Here comes the saying "I love you, but I am no longer in love with you". Many people in addiction restoration (and from there) then move from one Romantic Love Relationship to another and wonder why they can not find True Love.


Many addicts in the early recovery, when they were told that it was not good that they started a relationship, ask the question, and what about sex? Usually they refer to what is commonly called buddy sex or sports sex. Both of these refer to the act of sex for nothing more than the enjoyment of the act. No emotional involvement, no commitment, no strings. Although this seems cut and dry and usually harmless when two consenting adults are involved, there are a few complications that should at least be considered.

The first is that many people, let alone addicts in the early recovery, have trouble separating sex and intimacy. Feelings often develop despite the belief that they would never do so.

Along these lines is the tendency of those who have been sexually abused to socialize intimacy. This happens when a friendship develops, secrets are shared and a sexual attraction becomes clear, even though there was no existence before the friendship came closer. Because of the high prevalence of sexual abuse among addicts and the nature of personal-level sharing in the 12 step programs and groups, this is a very real and serious risk. For starters, buddy sex might just be a symptom of sick thinking and it can be very damaging.

Another consideration is the effect of casual sex on self-respect. Although most of us would like to believe that we can have free sex without guilt or regret, this is often not the case. Casual sex often goes against the morals and values ​​that people have learned and can continue to bear. Every time we behave in a way that goes against our values ​​/ mores, we experience feelings of guilt. Feelings of guilt can have a negative effect on immediate recovery and on self-respect.

Even if it does not go against any morality or values ​​that a person possesses, it is probably a behavior that was involved in active addiction. Because addiction and promiscuity often go hand in hand, loose sex would affect this addictive behavior and be a trigger. And even if a person was not promiscuous in their addiction, behavior with an "I want what I want when I want it" remains an addictive behavior. One way to generate self-confidence is to delay gratification and make decisions that will make you feel better in the long run. Not being involved with sports or buddy sex is an example of this.


Most people believe in a spiritual or magical aspect that makes them fall in love and enter into a relationship. Many believe in a soul mate who is waiting for them, and that fate can come in at any time and deliver their soulmate to them. The following words are not attempts to demystify love and relationships, but are simply to prevent people from falling victim to other aspects that seem mystical.

Many people project qualities of their ideal partner to the person they know, and then confuse it with finding their soul mate. A projection is an internal an ideal, thought process or state that is attributed to another person. In other words, I know what I want and need my ideal partner to be, and I place these attributes and qualities in another individual. I observe the behavior of this other person and relate it to my ideal. If I do not recognize that there is a projection (and rarely a projection is identified) then I believe that I have found my soulmate. Later, when I know the person better, they begin to fall short in my expectations and ideals. They fail my expectations and can not be the ideal, and often the search for my true soul mate begins again. This pattern of disappointment will continue until an individual that realizes the reality of projection, and does not give in to the fantasy that they have found their soul mate.

Another aspect of relationships is the negotiation process. This is not an external event, but an internal event. Every person entering into a relationship is aware of the attributes that they bring to the table. These can relate to attractiveness, financial security, a characteristic of sweetness, intelligence, a caring person, being attentive, being alert, lying in bed, etc. Knowing which attributes' someone brings to the table, the individual wants a comparable partner . This does not mean that individuals necessarily want someone who is just as attractive, fun, financially secure, and so on, as we are. What it means is that we want an equal or better purchase in accordance with what we find important. For example, how many very attractive women have you seen in men who are financially secure. The man knows that he gives financial well-being and safety and values ​​an attractive trophy for a partner. The woman in this example knows that she is very attractive and appreciates financial security.
This example has been simplified, although it exists. The actual negotiation process is more complicated due to the number of aspects to consider, but the example is an example of the problem.

So if you accept this negotiation part of relationships as true, you may wonder why it is a problem. After all, it does or does not exist in an early recovery. The problem arises not only from the negotiating aspect. It arises because the negotiating aspect occurs during the early recovery.

Addicts do not recover with healthy self-esteem. This influences their perception of what attributes they bring to the relationship negotiation table. This results in various problems. The first is that they are not looking for or getting a lot on the bargain for a partner. If they do not feel good about themselves, or if they are convinced that they feel good about themselves, instead they are a defense mechanism, they will not expect much in exchange for what they bring.

Another problem that is consistent with this is that a lot of growth will occur during the first year of recovery. This growth increases self-esteem and if you have entered into a relationship early on in the recovery, they will now realize that they can do better. Moreover, even if both grow, and the self-esteem of both partners is increased, it is likely that they will grow apart.

Family dynamics in early childhood also affect what we seek or are attracted to by a partner. An example of this is clear in the dynamics of the alcoholic house. Without spending an inordinate amount of time on typical family roles in an addicted family, there are generally four in addition to the addict and the codependent. They are:
The Family Hero that gives the family something to be proud of by excel at school or sports.
The scapegoat - which behaves to take away from the tension in the family.
The Lost Child - which gives no problems for the family, is largely absent and self-contained.
The mascot or clown - who provides comical lighting to reduce the tension in the family.

The role of family hero and scapegoat is usually attracted by a dependent personality, such as the role of a lost child or a mascot. This also happens in houses where there is abuse. Often the daughter of a father who abused the mother will end up in a relationship with a man who is insulting, even if there was no indication that he was insulting when they met. Similarly, the daughter of an alcoholic often ends up with an alcoholic. All these examples illustrate the power of the unconscious in attraction. The power of early experiences and the formation of memory can not be underestimated. In an excellent book entitled "A General Theory of Love", Lewis, Amini and Lannon (2000) discuss how early experiences and the formation of memory affect attractions. Until these problems or complexes are sufficiently resolved, people run the risk of becoming a victim and ending up in bad relationships.

Another consideration with regard to relationships is the impact of socialization on what we find attractive. Statistically, most people marry in their own race, religion, socioeconomic status and culture. This is proof of the impact that socialization has on the attraction. This is not a problem in itself. But it also gives faith to the importance of unconscious influence on attraction.

A final consideration with regard to relationships in the early recovery is that people in the early recovery rarely know who they really are and often struggle against this concept. If someone is not sure who he is, how can they know what they want in a relationship? If they do not know who they are, they can not really love themselves. If they do not love themselves, how can they keep a partner?

In light of these considerations regarding early recovery and relationships, anyone who is considering entering into a relationship at the start of the recovery has cause for concern. The questions is that "is it possible that this attraction is due to unconscious complexes or addictive behavior?" Or  Question is that "what contributes to my attraction for this person?" Must be asked and strongly considered. And as the last thought with regard to answering these questions, someone who is in an early recovery has the ability to be completely honest with themselves, when not so long ago they convinced themselves that they needed another solution: drinking , store, etc. To get through the day?

Reasons relations in early recovery are poorly advised

1. Relationships take the focus away from recovery.

2. Relations take the focus away from the individual.

3. Relationships increase the risk of relapse due to emotional intensity.

4. There is too much potential for underlying problems, projections and complexes to create the attraction.

5. Low self-esteem and the negotiation process of relationships make early recovery an unclear time to enter a relationship.

6. There is a big chance that the relationship will soon outgrow.

7. In the early recovery you do not really know yourself.

8. In an early recovery you may not yet have a healthy insight into what love is already.

9. There is a strong possibility that the individual reacts in the early recovery to: "I want what I want when I want it."

10. In the light of the advice to the contrary, if you decide to enter into a relationship, you are working on your own program. This is quirkiness and this is an addictive behavior.


Love, Sex, Relationships and Early Addiction Recovery

One Sided Love Relationships: How to Spot and Leave Them

One Sided Love Relationships | You start a process of dating and discover the wonders of another person. You find yourself enthusiastic and happy to take the risk of allowing yourself to rely on vulnerability and openness. You find yourself unselfishly creating more and more space in your life for the person and doing more to show a growing admiration and love for this person.

One Sided love relationships
One Sided love relationships: how to spot and leave them
But as time goes on, you begin to realize that you are the person who always initiates to say, "I love you," and that although your partner says, "I love you" as a reaction, you notice that your partner just do not make every effort to show that you are as special as you think your partner is for you. It begins to dawn on you that you may have a one-sided relationship.

Unilateral relationships occur when a person falls deeply in love compared to the other person. Yet, the person who is not so deeply in love may say "I love you" as a reaction when he or she experiences a state of deep love more than love. This creates confusion in the relationship by making the person in deep love believe that love is mutual, while in reality it is not.

Why do people say that they are in love if they love someone more than someone else? Often people like to be addressee and to be the center of another person's world. Finally, who would not enjoy to have the love generously appreciated by another person? So, when confronted with a person who says "I love you", such individuals simply repeat the words because they do not want to lose the person who is in love with them.

They may even feel a strong bond or worship for the person who loves them, but usually it is not the attention of the person, companionship and all the things the person brings to their lives by losing love. So the motive to say "I love you" can sometimes come from an egoistic place versus an authentic place.

People can also try to believe themselves in faith that they are in love because they do not want to hurt the other person. Yet this approach creates more pain for both people on the road and can lead to deep injuries and the loss of confidence.

Some people have not developed a deeper level of self-awareness and attention to really know what they feel inside. They may be confused, afraid or unworthy of love. So, they may not even realize that they are not in love, but simply enjoy the fact that you are in love with them and maybe you are intrigued or fascinated by you. They may have dreamed of having a loving partner like you, but they can not believe that you are real and do not know how to deal with the fact that love has finally been manifested by you.

How do you know if love is one-sided or if your partner is really in love with you? You simply observe the actions and energy of your partner because behavior reveals more than words how we really feel about someone. Actions and energy never lie.

Signs that you are both in love

People who are in love welcome love and feel so worthy that when a partner gives love, the other partner easily goes back and forth because both people feel good about themselves and their ability to embrace love.

This ease of moving back and forth is also reflected in how people communicate their feelings. Both people feel at ease as they express and initiate and say, "I love you", versus one person who says in the first place: "I love you", while the other person responds with "(I love you too)."

When love is reciprocal, after someone makes love, the romantic expressions and ways of showing how much you value someone else become greater. Physically affectionate behavior increases, such as more hand holding, cuddling and sitting close to in public. Gestures of romantic gifts or thoughtful gifts also increase as both people enjoy new ways of showing how they think about each other. So we have an increase in communication, but also actions that back up those words.

Even if love is mutual, both people want to see each other more often and commit themselves to creating quality time to pass on together actively engaged in planning and valuing date nights and sleepover. Both people also share the work and responsibility of planning the date against just one person who does the bulk of the work to figure out where to go and what to do.

So both people create a stream in which they have a high priority for each other's lives. For example, if your loved one is ill or has a difficult time, you actively make it a priority to spend time with your love, even if just watching a movie together or sitting together and talking quietly, instead of choosing to stay with other friends or do some shopping that could be postponed for a day or two.

In addition, people who mutually love each other have healthy limits and strive to share positive energy and to enthusiastically embrace the time they share with each other. They are also willing to plan again if they are not in a room to bring positive energy to others. In other words, both people appreciate creating a positive impact on their partners, versus creating situations where a partner dumps negative energy on the other because of stress or challenges in life. This is a matter of respect and boundary that naturally comes from falling in love - for when we are in deep love, we are conscious to create spaces of positive energy to elevate each other.

Yet some people may think: "If my partner really loves me, all my negative experiences or baggage must be accepted as part of the package of who I am." But think about that after all. Would you really throw smelly garbage at the feet of someone you really love and respect and say, "If you love me, please walk with me through all the trash that I've collected outside this relationship?" That's ridiculous, right? So people who have deep love and mutual respect for each other are careful to check their baggage from the past or emotional waste at the door and keep the energy of the relationship free of negative influences outside of the relationship.

Amorous partners also welcome feedback (both positive and constructive) and look for ways to improve what they do to keep partners happy. When conflicts occur in the relationship, both people are determined to talk it out without being defensive or to make comments such as: "Well if I do not please you or if I am not what you want me to be, maybe we should just put an end to this because with everything I have in my life, I really do not need it. "Instead, people are willing to listen to find out where the gaps lie between what everyone has agreed to be for the other versus what is actually working and working on it without being completely out of shape.

Last, mutually shared love fosters the health of both partners, so that their immunity increases and they feel more physically alive as they spend more time together. One-sided love, on the other hand, tends to exhaust one partner energetically, emotionally and physically, reducing T cells and other immune cells instead of increasing them so that health can be more easily affected. If you notice that your relationship is one-sided and also perceives challenges with your health, you could take a closer look at the impact of your relationship on your well-being.

Signs that love is one-sided

Love is one-sided when one person does the bulk of the relationship's work in terms of making commitments to create quality time, planning data, doing new things as a couple, and getting out of the way for the other to show how much he or she is loved.

Research shows that if someone gives more in love, he or she experiences a greater degree of love for another person, because oxytocin, the love hormone that allows us to identify more intimately with others, is released when loving behavior and give behavior. Yet research also shows that the recipient of loving behaviors can experience less of a feeling of being in love because only receiving does not activate activation of oxytocin. Reciprocation is the act that delivers oxytocin and creates an energetic completion of the cycle of giving that deepens a sense of trust, intimacy and the feelings of mutual love.

It is therefore very important to find out early in the dating process how your date looks like a mutual loving effort. Find out if your date is a natural giver and a person who enjoys feeding and pampering others. Observe actions not just as words, because many people imagine that they are givers or those who like to spoil their partners, but sometimes their actual behaviors do not produce their spoken representations of themselves.

During the pursuit of dating, people will often struggle to be givers. Pay attention to how the person behaves after you have brought the relationship to a deeper level through love companies. Affectionate behavior, giving a romantic gift, promoting positive energy and giving high priority to spending time together should increase, but in a one-sided relationship these behaviors decrease after a couple has made love.

Another significant sign that love is one-sided is that only one person experiences sexual orgasms during sex. Sex is about the mutual exchange of energy and if love (one of the strongest energies we can feel) is not mutual, this imbalance will often manifest itself as a challenge in achieving a sexual climax with a partner.

Unless there is a physical or medical reason that hinders the sexual climax, there is no reason why a couple in deep love would not experience sexual orgasms. Why is this important in a love relationship? The climactic action together releases oxytocin, which creates an intimate bond and increases the feelings of love.

People who do not let themselves be completely relaxed in love or are not in love unknowingly deny themselves the intimacy of a climax with a partner and may not recognize that their bodies tell them that they are not really allowing themselves to connect with their partner through love. Sometimes fears, problems with trust, uncertainties, feelings of unworthiness or emotional baggage of past relationships can also be factors that do not allow themselves this level of sexual and emotional intimacy. In any case, the body clearly communicates that there are blockades around intimacy, and without intimacy mutual love can not thrive and grow.

This challenge in the sexual arena can also be influenced by events outside the bedroom, where there may be an inequality around the priority level that both people are willing to create space for each other in their lives. Usually one person will give the person who is the object of love a high priority in life, while the other partner will degrade the partner who is in love to the lower burner of life and not consider that person as a priority as a priority. without even realizing that they are doing this. When people do not feel that they are valued enough to become a priority, it reduces sexual interest and the desire to bond through love relationships.

These behaviors are examples that indicate that a partner does not make you a priority as a love object - and may be a sign that your relationship is one-sided.

* Your partner will call you regularly at the end of the evening if you are tired or already asleep instead of making it a priority to call you earlier in the evening when you are actually available to be present to talk or even talk to meet in person.

* Your partner gives you crumbs of time and adapts to all the many things in his or her life, versus making advanced plans to spend non-distracting time with you.

* Your partner participates and makes other activities that are not time-sensitive, a higher priority than spending time with you.

* Your partner will not hesitate to ask you for favors that require you to sacrifice your time and energy, but when it's time to answer, the partner says his or her plate is too full of other obligations and can even get angry and say that you expect or want too much if you express disappointment or pain that your partner did not forget the priority and energy you give him or her.

It is important to ask yourself whether you see these behaviors as a lack of priority. Therefore, why would you be an option if you deserve the priority?

Finally, people in unilateral relationships will unconsciously sabotage the relationship to the end because it is not what they really want - but again this behavior often comes from the sphere of their conscious awareness.

These are the partners who suddenly start acting aloof or negligent or become defensive when you try to talk to them. They essentially drive you away, but try to make it seem as if your expectations are unrealistic or demanding. These are particularly harmful partners in relationships, because instead of acknowledging that their inability to feel comfortable with you or embrace love is the source of their fear, they are trying to blame the partner. This can leave the partner who loved and was very wounded and in a state of shock, self-doubt and pain.

How to deal with the one-sided relationship

Love is a miracle and life is too short to enter into relations that are one-sided. If you suspect or feel that you have a one-sided love affair, follow these strategies:

Make your partner aware that you feel that things are not mutual in terms of support, expressions of love, priority etc.

If your partner really loves you, he or she increases the behavior to balance, rather than just saying, "You're right, I'm not behind my part of the relationship." Actions speak more than words. Do not just accept words.

After sharing your concerns with your partner, spend them a month or so to observe shifts in behavior and share more feedback. If you still do not see positive and consistent change, or if you experience an increase in unsupportive or selfish behavior, appreciate yourself enough to end the relationship.

Avoid being dramatic and just say, "I really feel that the relationship is one-sided, so I'm going back a step and letting you go because I earn more."

When you choose to end the relationship, make sure you surround yourself with loving support from family and friends and immerse yourself in activities that awaken your mind to heal the wound that comes from loving someone who does not love on the same level.

Also hold tight to your limits, because often when you retire from people who enjoyed your affection, but do not really pay back to the level you earn, they will suddenly step up their efforts. But this is not about being in love with you. This is about missing what you bring into their lives. So you have to be strong and not withdraw in the relationship, because as soon as you enter into the relationship again, they will fall back into the same pattern because they are not sincere and unselfishly in love with you. Remember that you gave the person the opportunity to go into different behavior, but they chose not to do so. So save yourself the time, energy and pain of reintroducing such a person and instead embrace the idea that you deserve mutual unselfish love with a partner who is truly in space to welcome and respond to everything you need to share.

People who love their whole heart are extraordinary jewels capable of attracting others who are also willing, able and ready for the deepest love. Remember that, confirm it and put it on a note where you can see that every day to remind you that you love deep love.


One Sided love relationships: how to spot and leave them

Friday, December 28, 2018

Human Emotions in Relationships and Harmony

Human Emotions in Relationships and Harmony

What and when we feel, that is our emotions, are a key factor in relationships. Let's say something about them.

Human Emotions in Relationships and Harmony
Human Emotions in Relationships and Harmony

Human emotions due to their positivism:

A lower emotional spectrum (love and pleasure of a weak intensity)
An average emotional spectrum (love and pleasure of average intensity)
The highest emotional spectrum (love, desire and pleasure of strong intensity)
Human emotions due to their negativity:

A lower emotional spectrum (hate, Impatient and displeasure of weak intensity)
An average emotional spectrum (hatred and displeasure of average intensity)
The highest emotional spectrum (hatred and displeasure of a strong intensity)
The old "Lauw Harmonie" from my book "Amen" (it corresponds to the average level of both types of emotions)

While the 'Extreme Harmony' includes excessive good and excessive evil, his lukewarm form is characterized by on average intense feelings without maximum good and maximum evil. No human being suffers too much, that is the most important thing.

At the time of the creation of my "Lauw Harmonie", I even considered the idea of ​​taking beings in the other universes for neighbors in the sense that if we are not too happy in our universe, we will not . to be the cause of their possible excessive unhappiness (now I refer to the balance of opposites, which then was my main criterion).

Just look at "the balance between opposites" in the case of genders:

When we are in heaven, we do not have our physical body and our soul does not express sexuality, that is one-sidedness, just as during physical life on earth. The principle of how intense it experiences relationships can be illustrated by a model of a person whose emotional spectrum includes both female and male feelings, being a perfect combination of both.

Women have a vagina and men have a penis, despite that each of them is different from others with the same sex. While the essence of each of the two sexes is compatible with a different range of feelings.

Let us remember the origin of the male and female gender (excerpt from my book "Supergod"): "It is a so-called" root derivation of the original center ", which is a modification of the model of the original androgynous and sexless man by the enlargement of some of the properties of its root and at the same time the weakening of the others. The result is on the one hand a "root surplus", on the other hand a "root deficit" (= a man) or a woman - remark). "

More complex feelings can only be achieved by combining the capacities of both sexes. However, since there is the element of the opposite in every opposite, each gender contains a small bit of the properties and possibilities of the other. But if these qualities and abilities are about the same, suggesting a "half-man-half-woman," only the more complex spectrum of feelings will reach.

The way in which such a person experiences "his or her" or if you like "his" relationships is unusual for us. Since none of the two sexes is domineering, there would be no extreme-intensive love such as sexual intercourse with orgasm, but on the other hand there would be no too cold relationships.

If we summed up the intensity of love between two lovers and between two acquaintances or friends and divided by two, the resulting amount would be the value of the intensity of love with which that "androgynous" person experiences his relationship to close people. It would be something between a normal relationship and a sexual relationship with an orgasm, which means a warmer friendship (in the sense of improved or even "upgraded").

Do not try to be someone like that! It is a theory that was explained here to allow you to experience the essence of generations and love that our souls experience in heaven. Here on earth, everyone should follow the characteristics of his or her physical gender without attempting to change anything. In short, be the man or woman as God created you.

And now emotions. First of all, only the average:

The first and the third circle (see above) have been removed and the rest is the second. I hope you can imagine what it would look like without the most extreme passions, but also without the weakest.

Secondly, all emotions are allowed except for the most intensive ones: (= the road without extremes)

The third circle (see above) is removed and the first and second circles remain. I hope you can imagine what it would look like without the most extreme passions.

The new "Lauw Harmonie"

As with the old version of this harmony, each person has the average amount of personal happiness. The total amount of luck of the society in question is divided by the number of members and each of them has the resulting amount at its disposal.

Given everything that all human souls must experience and now I refer to 'the image of human souls', the opinion of my young age was more or less correct. But if we look at the specific society in which we live or in which we will live in the future, it is different.

In our "Hellige third" (the left, quite dark, about 35%) the average amount of happiness of normal people is quite low. But in the "Miscellaneous third" (the right, half light, about 30%) the average amount of human happiness is much greater. Because the 'celestial third' is like the opposite of the 'infernal third', and the 'other third' half-light is with one problematic place, the total sum of the light (= happiness) and the darkness (= misfortune) must be very slightly below zero (at least 2%, recently I have called the range of - 4 and - 8%, which perhaps was too negative, the truth is that I'm not entirely sure about the value of the problematic place of the right third determines the final result).

In general, it is advisable to avoid the greatest extremes in good and evil and to achieve the average amount of happiness in each person. But it is impossible to be put into practice in the "Hellish third" of "the Image of human souls". It can only be realized without hellish people.

You can not, however, avoid the greatest good in the 'heavenly third' and partly in the best places of the 'third part'. Both 'heavenly' and 'infernal third' exclude the establishment of my 'lukewarm harmony'. The "heavenly" because he is too good and the "hellish" because he is too bad. What I wrote when I was younger is majority just when we consider all three thirds together, but the majority is incorrect if we only deal with one of them (except the "Miscellaneous").

Take advantage of avoiding the extremes

If we remove all extremes and use what has remained, we can achieve very interesting results. Examples:

1. Great shepherd dogs

80% strength of the strongest, 80% speed of the fastest, 80% want of those who have the highest and comparable. Although they can be overcome in one discipline (for example, greyhound will run even faster than they do or a bloodhound will follow the game better than they do), in the overall performance where everything is needed (resistance to colds, ability to fight) beasts, the ability to fight human enemies, long walks, a good social feeling to approach the other dogs in the peloton, etc.), they will be the best.

2. Relationships

At location:

The best is when our love is not fragmented in the way that is not suitable for us. For example, if all our closest people are in the same apartment with us, we can be "overeated" by their ever-lasting closeness. And vice versa when they are too far away from us, e.g. in another country it can be too difficult for us to meet them if we need their proximity. I suspect it would work in this way in most cases and the most appropriate thing is the harmonious arrangement of our relationships, which does not mean too close and at the same time not too far away. All our beloved people and favorite places must always be accessible when we really need to contact them.

By potential:

No man is loved by the whole potential of one's love, but at the same time no one is not loved at all (= not too much love, nor too little love). A part of love is given to our girlfriend / wife / husband, others to grandparents, others to own children, others to family members, others to friends, other to popular pieces of land and in the same way. Every person must be loved by the ideal part and the amount of his potential of love.

3. Martial arts

The important is that It is not enough to be only the best kicker and striker, or the best wrestler, or a perfect psychologist who knows how to treat the other people, or a wonderful lawyer who knows the law. But he who knows the essence of all that knows how to kick and hit, how to use the body in combat situations that require wrestling techniques, at the same time how to approach people and how all this has to happen in the context of the law, he, as a whole is more efficient than one of these professionals, separated and alone.

4. Foreign language

He who knows all the existing words in one letter can not make himself understood in that language, because he knows no words from all other letters. But he who knows the essential words from each letter, he will already be able to make himself understood in that language.

5. Supergod

None of the parts of his body excels another, but they are all in an ideal state (which does not mean 'maximum') and work perfectly together.

Lesson: do not reach any time the maximum level in one spectrum. Use perfect collaborative essentials of all required spectrums instead.


Human Emotions in Relationships and Harmony

Saturday, April 7, 2018

How to Love and be Loved We must Allow Time for an Intimate Relationship

How to Love and be Loved We must Allow Time for an Intimate Relationship

How to Love and be Loved | Our hearts are wrapped in protection, layers of materials like iron or brick that create a fortress around our most sensitive beings. When these materials arrived for the first time, they came as friends, for our hearts, since the young people did not know how to rest defenseless. We needed to harden ourselves to survive. But an aspect of growing means realizing that our greatest strength is that which we have come to condition ourselves to believe is our greatest weakness: a softened heart is a wise heart, and it no longer needs the armor it thought it needed to protect it.


Safety, as an adult, means dropping defenses. It means leaving those we love in our innermost chambers. It means saying "I do not know" or "Yes, maybe that too" instead of being entrenched in one position. It means running the risk of being vulnerable, which by definition is a helpless state. It means communicating from the origin of the feeling rather than from the defense, attack or projection, which means saying: "I'm afraid" instead of "My partner is not funny enough" or "I feel hurt" instead of "It's It is not right for me "or" I am distressed "instead of" She is not beautiful enough ". It means moving towards our partner even when the hardened material of fear or doubt tries to convince us to move away.

How to Love and be Loved | For those who struggle with the anxiety of the relationship, fear is the wall. Fear manifests as anxiety, doubt, confusion, lack of sexual desire and ambivalence. Each of these states composes a brick in the wall of its fortress, and each one needs attention to soften and dissolve it. When we dissolve the bricks, we allow love to flourish.

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This is a process, of course, which means that it takes time to soften what has taken years to consolidate. And we need the tools and plans to know how to break the bricks on our walls. We need to know what loving actions are required to dismantle the barricades or cross the pit that separates us from the one we love. Because it is an action that softens the control of fear and its action is what creates a ship that crosses the waters that separate.

Love actions are YES, while any action rooted in fear / separation is a NO practice. Whatever we water will grow, which means that when watering the ways in which we separate - listening to doubts, criticizing, scolding, projecting - the abyss grows. On the contrary, when we irrigate the YES practices, we learn to approach our partner in thought, word and action, shortening the gap and creating the closeness that we long for.

How to Love and be Loved | The first step to soften the walls, as I teach in depth in the first week of my 30-day Open Your Heart course, is to identify your walls. Everyone's walls may look or sound slightly different, but they generally fall into predictable categories and, once you name them concretely, they become easier to detect. Fear is not as smart as we think; It has a finite number of tactics and lines, which means that once we can identify them we can call them to the mat. The first step is always to name.

From the appointment, we commit ourselves to the other daily practices that help us to dissolve the barriers that keep us separated under the illusion of security. Once again, what served when we were young - these defenses developed from the wisdom to keep us protected when no one else was protecting - no longer serves. Much of the path of the conscious relationship is to undo unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy habits. These new healthy habits that are designed to promote sincere heart, genuine attraction and true love are what I teach in my course. Open your heart.

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I recently removed the cover of one of my defensive habits for life. I will share the details of this awakening in one of the weekly phone calls in the next round of Open Your Heart, but for now I will say that every time I see another layer of furtive fear, I am grateful and humble. I do not remember how early I learned this habit, but I know that it has been with me for a long time and I know that it has created an incalculable pain in my marriage, since I pushed the husband out of my heart through these micromomentos. to say NO instead of YES. When we submit to the maneuvers of fear in any way we grow separation and we stop being a team player. And although we need a strong sense of Self in order to fully surrender ourselves to the risk of sincere love, we must also be able to enter into the mentality of WE instead of ME and YOU. Fear erodes WE from fear is always a manifestation of the separation mentality.

[How to Love and be Loved] In The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu repeatedly talk about the need to break down our barriers globally as we move from a history of I / you to one of US. We are the same human, they teach. We are seven billion together on this planet. Your story is my story and, finally, we all want the same thing: love and be loved, live a meaningful life, be healthy and happy. For those of us who work in the world of relationships, we make this global decision and reduce it to a very personal level as we learn how to soften the walls of fear by naming them, working with them consciously and then choosing another path. The more times we choose the other route, the more we connect the brain again in the connection direction.

If you want to be able to identify and name your walls of fear and learn the loving actions YES that will help you join your pits so that you can open your heart to love, please join me for my tenth round of Open your heart: A Program 30 days to feel more love and attraction for your partner, which will begin on March 10, 2018. Let us unite as we learn to take another step in perhaps the most important task that has been entrusted to us on this planet: love and be loved.

How to Love and be Loved We must Allow Time for an Intimate Relationship