How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship - How Webs


Wednesday, January 2, 2019

How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship

How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship  - Love & Relationship

Relationships usually start well. People treat each other with love and respect. Then something happens and we get upset.

How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship
How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship
If you are angry with someone, you can not be with the person. There is a million miles between you and the person you are upset with.

It does not take long before you get angry again and make more distance. Then you become upset again and you create even more distance. As time passes, the distance grows and love is buried, distance by distance.

Ultimately there is so much distance in your relationship that you feel uncomfortable. It seems that you just do not love the person anymore, but the love that was present at the height of your relationship is still there. it is simply buried throughout the whole distance.

As this distance increases, you become defensive, critical and quickly angry. Disruptions become more frequent and serious. You create more and more distance. Soon the relationship that began as a dream turns into a nightmare.

This is the course of most relationships. They start great and then go downhill. Then we get a new relationship and start the process again.

If you want to be effective in your relationships, you need to learn how to remove the distance. This is the key to maintaining love.

The most effective way to remove distance is to communicate your inconveniences. Say what you are angry about. Get it off your chest.

The moment you communicate your upset, the anger loses power. The distance disappears and the experience of love returns.

Look at the times in your life when you were angry and it communicated. Notice what happened to the upset after you got it off your chest. It disappeared. Now pay attention to what happened to the distance. It has also disappeared.

Communication is the key to removing distance.

Unfortunately, we have been taught to communicate in a way that, instead of removing distance, creates more of it.

Instead of communicating for the purpose of restoring love, we communicate with the aim of accusing, attacking, being right or changing someone.

The moment you do this, you put the other person in the defense. That person becomes upset and has to fight to protect himself against you. Then you become even more upset. Without knowing it, you are fueling the conflict and creating more distance.

You quickly learn that it is not safe to communicate your inconveniences. it is better to just keep them inside.

Well, the problem is not in communicating your pessimism, it's in how you do it.

If you really want to remove distance in your relationship, you must communicate in a way that does not lead to more confusion.

You do this by ensuring that your communication does not threaten the other person. Do not give the other person anything to resist. Make it safe for the person to hear what you have to say. Do not put him or her in the defense.

Communicate with the aim to distance yourself and restore love. Do not communicate with the aim of accusing, attacking, being right or changing someone.

Take full 100% responsibility for what happened and be angry about it. do not blame the other person unless you want to fight.

The best way to communicate a disorder is to find the pain you feel upset and communicate.

Instead of saying What is wrong with you? Why did you do that to me? put the focus on your pain. Say, you did what you did and I feel sad. I feel invalid and I feel that you do not love me anymore

Focus on yourself and not what the other did.

By the way, it's your anger. If you blame the other person for your upset, you can keep him. If you take full responsibility for your upset, you can let go.

The question for you is this: what are you really committed to? Are you committed to distance yourself, to restore love and to make your relationship work, or are you committed to blaming, attacking, being right and changing the person?

The choice is yours. You can have resistance or love. You can not have both.

If your commitment is to remove the distance and make your relationship work, you can do a lot.

You can start finding the distance and removing it.

Distance is created by keeping something behind. Usually it is a bottom-line communication. I'm angry that you did not keep your promise, or I'm sad that you do not love me anymore.

Once the communication is made, the withholding tax stops. The upset is released and the distance disappears.

To discover what you remember, imagine the other person standing in front of you. Then look what is between you and that person. What are you angry about? What is the distance?

Find what you have to say and then say it. Start from the beginning of your relationship and get everything said.

However, before you begin, make sure that you create an environment that is safe for communication. Make sure that you let go of all resistance you have to the other person.

Then tell the person that there are some things you want to say to remove the distance. Ask him or her to just listen. Then say what you have to say.

If the person begins to resist you, stop and notice how you communicate. You blame or try to change the person. Do not do that.

If the only way to communicate an upset is to blame, first warn the person so that he or she will not take it personally.

Once you have said everything you want to say, let the other person react. Let the person say everything he or she is upset about. Pull out the disturbances.

The more the other person can get rid of his or her problems, the more that person can express his or her love for you.

The key to removing distance is to get everything said. Open your heart. Just make sure that the other person feels loved, accepted and appreciated during the process.

This article is from the book, How To Heal A Painful Relationship.


How to Remove the Distance in Your Relationship - Love & Relationship

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