Relationship Advice for People Whose are in Relation Fixer-Upper - How Webs

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Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Relationship Advice for People Whose are in Relation Fixer-Upper

Relationship Advice: Are You in a Relationship "Fixer-Upper"? So This Article is for You

Relationship Advice | Are you inclined to see your partner as a 'fixer-upper' type of man or woman? Of course, you love him or her, but there are certain aspects of your partner that need to be improved or improved for you. Perhaps you spend your time subtly (or more openly) working to help your partner become more organized, cultivated, refined, in shape, and so on. Maybe your love appreciates your recovery efforts and maybe he or she feels bad or feels bad about your improvement efforts.

Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice for People Whose are in Relation Fixer-Upper
On the other hand, you might be the one to whom the "fix-up" is directed. You may have ended up in the role of someone who in one way or another fails in your relationship. Honestly, you may feel most comfortable in this role. Although you are aware of your partner's efforts to make changes or "improvements" in who you are, you actually want to stay the same.



The dangerous dynamics in scenarios such as this is that one person suppresses the change and his or her partner in some way feels inadequate. The other person feels pushed and judged as inappropriate or missing and closes himself off for new experiences or changes that he or she might otherwise have been open to. The relationship is a 'fixer-upper', not because it is inherently defective, or even because the person who wants change, ultimately gets the blame.

Instead, this kind of relationship is dangerous because, for whatever reason, the two people involved continue to take each other off and separate from each other. The proximity and connection is tense while they play this dance of lack.

The relationship fixer "fixer upper" was the focus of a recent sitcom storyline. On the TV program 'Gary Unmarried' starts the main character - Gary-- with an attractive woman who teaches at the school of his children. Gary and the teacher go on different dates and really feel attracted to each other. What Gary is beginning to feel, however, is that his new partner treats him as a "fixer-upper".

Gary's friend encourages him to go to the opera, ballet and lover of coffee houses - none of these places are normal. When Gary began to feel that his girlfriend was trying to improve and change him, he immediately quit, felt hateful, and was even manipulated. Gary's girlfriend claimed that she was only trying to expose him to new things, not trying to change him.

Needless to say, both Gary and his girlfriend were hurt and misunderstood. Both had to step back and really examine their motives, intentions and desires.

Recognize your tendencies ....
In this situation you could identify yourself the fastest with Gary or with his girlfriend. After all, one can see the benefits of both perspectives. As you get to know someone in a romantic relationship, it can be enriching to experience new things and learn from each other. But it is also a great feeling to know that your partner fell in love with you because of who you are - not because of who they want you to be.

Handle yourself carefully, watch your tendencies. Perhaps you are sometimes the one who tries to change or improve your partner and sometimes you do not feel enough and you are not appreciated for who you are now. Anyway, just get a clearer picture of the role you play most often in your relationship.


Are your tendencies at the service of you, your partner or your relationship?
Ask yourself now whether the way you usually think and treat your partner, you, him or her and your relationship serves? Does the "recovery" approach ensure that you two get closer together or further apart? How does it feel when you stop your partner's suggestions to try something new?

Again, be careful with yourself and approach this in an observational way. You can ask your love what it feels like for him or her when you behave in a "recovery" or some kind of closed way - depending on your tendencies. Just listen and try to learn from what you hear. Compare the way you think about your current tendencies with how you want to feel in this relationship.

Step outside your usual mode.

So you know what your tendencies are and you have a clearer picture of how they feel for you and possibly the emotions caused by your partner. It is time to step outside your normal mode. You could create a list of ways you could act or respond differently. Just try some alternatives to your status quo and see how it feels. What do you notice in terms of your partner's response? Do you feel as a result closer or further away from your love? Pay attention and do more of what increases your connection.

At the end of this episode "Gary Unmarried" Gary finally sees that his partner did not necessarily try to manipulate him or to assess him as inadequate. He goes to her and apologizes. He even agrees to attend a ballet with her that weekend. Gary's friend makes less for her and pushes less. She is willing to participate in activities that Gary likes.

When you choose to try another action or reaction, you can create space for a new and extended connection. Contact yourself and your partner to see how you both feel. This will also help you get closer together.

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Relationship Advice for People Whose are in Relation Fixer-Upper

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