11 Awesome Ways to Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today - How Webs


Sunday, September 9, 2018

11 Awesome Ways to Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today

11 Awesome Ways to Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today

Marriage-Happier, Marriage-Long-term

The honeymoon periods in most marriages have a best-before date. But does that mean that you can not bring back those flashy butterfly feelings of excitement and anticipation that everyone experiences at the beginning of a relationship? Absolutely not. All marriages maneuver through rough pieces. Some do not survive long enough to end up in the other side intact. But do a lot. Here are 11 ways to keep your marriage fresh.

1. Remind your partner (and yourself) that you appreciate them.

After having been married for many, many years, that passionate kiss as your partner enters, can easily turn into a peck on the check, which can then turn into an inability to even look up from your computer. In the course of my 23-year-old marriage, there have been times when I felt my own husband and I began to become so familiar with each other that we settled in a grueling - albeit comfortable - routine. But there is a real danger. Studies show that almost half of the men who have committed fraud were due to emotional discontent - and not to sex. When men feel unrelated or appreciated by their wives, they are vulnerable to the progress of any attractive woman who throws a lustful glance in their own way. And boys, it also works the other way.

In his film "Annie Hall" Woody Allen accused that "a relationship is like a shark, it has to constantly improve or die." I think he was right.

2. Say thanks for the little things.

I was guilty of keeping track of the score, constantly calculating who did what. "I cleaned the children's cabinets, so you have to clean the cellar." "I moved to work when we were just married, so now you have to move for mine." "I grafted sex last time, so now it's your turn." But playing tit for tat is childish and will do nothing but put an end to the trust and connection you have built up with your partner. If you are so inclined, keep track of all the positive things your partner is doing on a day - and then thank them. Hopefully they get the hint and they do the same for you.

3. Practice honesty, even if you are ashamed.

If you have issued one or two credit cards and hide the accounts each month, you can be sure that it will come back to bite you. Ultimately, whether you apply for a home loan or simply talk about the costs of a summer vacation, these kinds of money problems are either brought to light by a credit report or by the simple fact that you can not afford a trip. Although infidelity usually happens in bed, it can also happen with money. And it will be a difficult road to regain your partner's trust if you have lied about excessive spending.

Along the same line, if you feel that you do not have a connection with your partner as you are used to, you have to say something - now. I have learned this lesson the hard way. I left communication issues for months, not to express my displeasure, and my husband and I ended up in marriage counseling for almost a year. It took a third party - and a real investment on our part - to get us back on track. If I had not told myself that things would only get better, we might not have achieved what I call the danger zone.

4. Take care of your appearance.

With many years and a few children under your belt, it is easy to let your appearance slide. Think about when you first met your partner. Would you have walked around in stained sweatpants and brushing your teeth? My guess is no. I'm not saying you should look like Julianne Moore every time you settle for a TV night. But I have seen too many couples transform from Cliff and Clair Huxtable into Dan and Roseanne Connor - with disastrous consequences.

Sometimes my husband will say "wow, you look good" while I walk out the door for a girls evening out. Pay your partner at least the same courtesy as your friends, by occasionally making an appointment for him or her.

5. Promote relationships outside of your marriage.

I have been on girls' travel for as long as I have been married. Yes, I love to trave with my partner and three children. But going away with friends these weekends is also important. Translating stories with others and enjoying new experiences, make me - I hope - a more interesting person for my husband to be around. When Katie Couric Barbra Streisand asked the secret of her happy 14-year marriage with James Brolin, she answered "time apart." "It gets romantic because even the conversations on the phone become more romantic, you need some distance," Streisand said.
Your marriage would be your primary relationship - but it does not have to be the only one.      

6. Watch your words.

There are many things that you should never say to an old spouse, the first is: "Do not you think our new neighbor is attractive?" That is a question that you think you want to know the answer to. It is also never a good idea to start a sentence with: "You know it has always been your problem that ..." Who wants to hear from their partner? We hope that everyone has a good sense of ourselves right now and that someone you love indicates that a shortcoming in this way contributes little to a loving relationship.

"You always ..." or "You never ..." Think about it. Neither is true. If you start a sentence with these words, your partner will certainly close or start a fight. Stop for a moment and think about what you really want to say - and then say that instead.

7. Store the jumper cables yourself.

In life there are great things and there are small things. The big things - tapping the bank accounts in support of a gambling habit, forgetting to mention that he is part of the federal witness relocation program that lives under a false identity or that he has a second family that is stored in Queens - are obviously one-way streets to to separate court. But most of us have no problems of that size. Most of us have problems that are more like insignificant and repetitive annoyances that arise when feeding the steroids of resentment and anger like Arnold Schwarzenegger. And we all know what steroids did to his heart, right?

Most of our problems start small enough - he lends the jumper cables out of your car and then lets them sit on the driveway to be run over - and from those shoots a gigantic purulent ulcer. It leads you to words like: "If you loved me, you would have put the starter cables back in my car, so that if I get stuck in a bad neighborhood with an empty battery, I can save myself," what in my household, usually results in an answer like "When do you ever drive in bad neighborhoods?"

It is the small annoyances that let us in if they are not addressed. For a happier marriage, address them immediately and keep it simple. "Honey, did you put jump cables back in my car?"

8. Enjoy the silence.

Sometimes the best way to tackle a problem is simply to get away from it - like letting it go seriously. Not every little bit needs to be addressed. Know that not every insult is intended. Practice as much as possible to let go. Forgive more. Forget more. Bite your tongue until the tip bleeds. And remind yourself once in time why you are married to this person. Focus on those reasons and let things pass by without mentioning.

The art of being silent is, however, that you really let the problem go by. If you keep silent and continue to cherish bad thoughts, well, that is where sores come from. As the Beatles told us: "Let It Be.

9. Recognize the ebb and flow.

Relationships are not clearly delineated; that is actually death. Life has ups and downs, peaks and valleys. We all go through periods where the thought of life without our partners can bring tears to our eyes and then a week later we can not stand the sound of their breathing next to us. We have seen it all sometimes. The trick is knowing that you will not stay in one place forever. The truth is that in a marriage you spend most of your time in an emotional middle way. It is not a song of songbirds, nor is it to be considered which poison will cause the most painful downfall in its paste.
This middle ground is not the couple sitting opposite each other in the restaurant without talking. Those people are actually flat and they just do not know it yet. No, the middle point is when months converge in years and you know what the reaction will be before you say something. It is when the book you completed last night automatically migrates to the bedside table and he tells you about the recorded "modern family" episode in which you slept. It is the daily ebb and flow without the waves.

10. Be nice.

We tend to take advantage of the people we love most - probably because we know they love us and we can get away with it. It is the old kick-the-cat syndrome. You have a bad day at the office and come home and take it to your measure. A much healthier pattern is to start each day by asking yourself: "What can I do today to make my partner happy?" And mean it. Is not it more logical to draw your best face for someone you love? Look for ways to say 'yes'. This rule also applies to parenthood, but in a happy marriage people are busy to please each other. That sometimes means that you have to spend endless ball games, wear a tie, watch a horror movie with your eyes closed and travel around old battleground of the civil war if you really want to vacation on a beach in Hawaii. It does things for your partner.

11. Maintain intimacy and passion, both inside and outside the bedroom.

Intimacy is not only sex and passion is not only doing it on the kitchen counter. Bedroom habits age together with marriage. There may not be a stronger aphrodisiac than a moonlight walk on the beach that ends with a kiss. There may be no greater sense of passion than the diligence of a partner in a hospital room to attract the attention of the nurse to a sick woman. Do not let others define what a "normal" or "healthy" amount of sex is for your marriage. Know that things change, but that does not make them less exciting or fun. And intimacy comes in many forms, including conversations and cuddling.

11 Awesome Ways to Make Your Long-Term Marriage Happier, Starting Today

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