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Saturday, April 7, 2018

How to Love and be Loved We must Allow Time for an Intimate Relationship

How to Love and be Loved We must Allow Time for an Intimate Relationship

How to Love and be Loved | Our hearts are wrapped in protection, layers of materials like iron or brick that create a fortress around our most sensitive beings. When these materials arrived for the first time, they came as friends, for our hearts, since the young people did not know how to rest defenseless. We needed to harden ourselves to survive. But an aspect of growing means realizing that our greatest strength is that which we have come to condition ourselves to believe is our greatest weakness: a softened heart is a wise heart, and it no longer needs the armor it thought it needed to protect it.

How-to-Love-and-be-Loved-We-must-Allow-Time-for-an-Intimate-Relationship

Safety, as an adult, means dropping defenses. It means leaving those we love in our innermost chambers. It means saying "I do not know" or "Yes, maybe that too" instead of being entrenched in one position. It means running the risk of being vulnerable, which by definition is a helpless state. It means communicating from the origin of the feeling rather than from the defense, attack or projection, which means saying: "I'm afraid" instead of "My partner is not funny enough" or "I feel hurt" instead of "It's It is not right for me "or" I am distressed "instead of" She is not beautiful enough ". It means moving towards our partner even when the hardened material of fear or doubt tries to convince us to move away.

How to Love and be Loved | For those who struggle with the anxiety of the relationship, fear is the wall. Fear manifests as anxiety, doubt, confusion, lack of sexual desire and ambivalence. Each of these states composes a brick in the wall of its fortress, and each one needs attention to soften and dissolve it. When we dissolve the bricks, we allow love to flourish.

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This is a process, of course, which means that it takes time to soften what has taken years to consolidate. And we need the tools and plans to know how to break the bricks on our walls. We need to know what loving actions are required to dismantle the barricades or cross the pit that separates us from the one we love. Because it is an action that softens the control of fear and its action is what creates a ship that crosses the waters that separate.

Love actions are YES, while any action rooted in fear / separation is a NO practice. Whatever we water will grow, which means that when watering the ways in which we separate - listening to doubts, criticizing, scolding, projecting - the abyss grows. On the contrary, when we irrigate the YES practices, we learn to approach our partner in thought, word and action, shortening the gap and creating the closeness that we long for.

How to Love and be Loved | The first step to soften the walls, as I teach in depth in the first week of my 30-day Open Your Heart course, is to identify your walls. Everyone's walls may look or sound slightly different, but they generally fall into predictable categories and, once you name them concretely, they become easier to detect. Fear is not as smart as we think; It has a finite number of tactics and lines, which means that once we can identify them we can call them to the mat. The first step is always to name.



From the appointment, we commit ourselves to the other daily practices that help us to dissolve the barriers that keep us separated under the illusion of security. Once again, what served when we were young - these defenses developed from the wisdom to keep us protected when no one else was protecting - no longer serves. Much of the path of the conscious relationship is to undo unhealthy habits and replace them with healthy habits. These new healthy habits that are designed to promote sincere heart, genuine attraction and true love are what I teach in my course. Open your heart.

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I recently removed the cover of one of my defensive habits for life. I will share the details of this awakening in one of the weekly phone calls in the next round of Open Your Heart, but for now I will say that every time I see another layer of furtive fear, I am grateful and humble. I do not remember how early I learned this habit, but I know that it has been with me for a long time and I know that it has created an incalculable pain in my marriage, since I pushed the husband out of my heart through these micromomentos. to say NO instead of YES. When we submit to the maneuvers of fear in any way we grow separation and we stop being a team player. And although we need a strong sense of Self in order to fully surrender ourselves to the risk of sincere love, we must also be able to enter into the mentality of WE instead of ME and YOU. Fear erodes WE from fear is always a manifestation of the separation mentality.

[How to Love and be Loved] In The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu repeatedly talk about the need to break down our barriers globally as we move from a history of I / you to one of US. We are the same human, they teach. We are seven billion together on this planet. Your story is my story and, finally, we all want the same thing: love and be loved, live a meaningful life, be healthy and happy. For those of us who work in the world of relationships, we make this global decision and reduce it to a very personal level as we learn how to soften the walls of fear by naming them, working with them consciously and then choosing another path. The more times we choose the other route, the more we connect the brain again in the connection direction.

If you want to be able to identify and name your walls of fear and learn the loving actions YES that will help you join your pits so that you can open your heart to love, please join me for my tenth round of Open your heart: A Program 30 days to feel more love and attraction for your partner, which will begin on March 10, 2018. Let us unite as we learn to take another step in perhaps the most important task that has been entrusted to us on this planet: love and be loved.

How to Love and be Loved We must Allow Time for an Intimate Relationship

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